So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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