Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
3pm strippers are depressing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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