omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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