none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
