i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
