Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
