His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
