i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
