i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
