i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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