You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As shirtless as possible
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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