it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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