i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
