oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
