question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
