he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
