I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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