if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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