Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize