if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Don't tell me you're on acid again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
