I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
