I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
