There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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