u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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