why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
