words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
