I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
