We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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