i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
