I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
