Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
