We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
