quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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