I accidentally burped into my bong.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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