so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize