Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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