She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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