His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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