I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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