He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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