i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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