found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
