Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
