hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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