life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
