I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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