i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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