If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
