why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
