I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
