Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
