I need help removing her.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
