She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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