just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
