Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
