I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
