i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
