Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
