the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
