All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
