I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
