I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize