Are we in a gay sports bar?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
