let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
