I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
