My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
