Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize